Course: Fairfax National (We played the Wilderness/Bullrun combo)
Course Rating/Slope: 71.5/127
Course Rating/Slope: 71.5/127
Location: allegedly Centreville, VA, which is complete bullshit. The exit we got off on 66 was in Centreville, the course itself might as well been in West Fucking Virginia for as long as we had to drive to get there.
Price: $35/Saturday round
Course Layout: For a course out in the middle of fucking nowhere, it sure wasn’t designed with lots of space in mind. It featured 27 holes that were all on top of each other, a superb clusterfuck of epic proportions. At certain points of the day you could stop and look around the course and see upwards of 10 other groups playing, which is far too much potential for social interaction for my tastes. Narrow fairways and the poor course layout led to no shortage of fore’s as balls were continuously sailing from one fairway into the next. Hopefully close family members will remember your stance during the Schiavo debacle in case you get clunked in the head during your round. The course also features a shitload of long par 4’s and 5’s, so pray to Jesus that your long game came to play.
Course Appearance: Fairways were decent but greens were really shitty. They were splotchy and balls were bouncing like a hooker’s tits during putts. Bunkers were also in crappy shape and the water hazards were disgusting and probably home to at least one Fro and/or swamp thing.
Cart Girls: The one area where this course truly stood out. They certainly know how to hire the noobs at this place. Courteous, polite, and smoking hot, they certainly inspired one to think up numerous euphemisms for eating out a girl’s asshole.
Clubhouse Food: 3 out of 5 Hotdog Rating (I don’t even know what this means)
Carts: Carts were actually pretty decent, they were gas-powered and pretty quick. They were also proven to be capable of doing 180’s although only in the hands of Berg. My difficulties in stunt driving a cart supposedly mirror my difficulties in pleasing a woman.
Errant Shot of the Day: I was going to go with one of Ruffino’s drives that sailed into a neighboring green, creating a humorous moment for us as we watched a fellow group cower in fear, but I am going with a homer pick. On one of the early holes in the back 9, we were faced with a quick dogleg left that began a hundred or so yards out. Not feeling confident with my irons, I decided to whip out my driver and cut it close to the wilderness to see if I could punch it through. My shot off the tee was straight and pretty, until it slammed directly into a large tree, bouncing directly back towards the tee box. It landed about 20 yards from where it started. Deciding then to use my back 9 mully, I teed again but shanked this one directly into the woods. All in all, a hilarious sequence.
Awkward Moment of the Day: Reminiscing on my how you doin’ line from the previous night, I remarked that perhaps tonight I should use it again, but to spice it up with a new accent. I decided an asian “hau you do-in” would be worth a shot, combined with a little bow. It was at this point we realized some Korean guy was right next door retrieving his errant shot. Oops. Me so solly.
Beers Drank: 44, I think, 24 of which were busch light, the epitome of high society.
Final Thoughts: It was a solid day, but that’s a course I’d only want to play maybe once or twice a year. Too crowded and poor quality overall, but I guess you are getting what you pay for, which is acceptable when you are a cheap bastard like myself.
Price: $35/Saturday round
Course Layout: For a course out in the middle of fucking nowhere, it sure wasn’t designed with lots of space in mind. It featured 27 holes that were all on top of each other, a superb clusterfuck of epic proportions. At certain points of the day you could stop and look around the course and see upwards of 10 other groups playing, which is far too much potential for social interaction for my tastes. Narrow fairways and the poor course layout led to no shortage of fore’s as balls were continuously sailing from one fairway into the next. Hopefully close family members will remember your stance during the Schiavo debacle in case you get clunked in the head during your round. The course also features a shitload of long par 4’s and 5’s, so pray to Jesus that your long game came to play.
Course Appearance: Fairways were decent but greens were really shitty. They were splotchy and balls were bouncing like a hooker’s tits during putts. Bunkers were also in crappy shape and the water hazards were disgusting and probably home to at least one Fro and/or swamp thing.
Cart Girls: The one area where this course truly stood out. They certainly know how to hire the noobs at this place. Courteous, polite, and smoking hot, they certainly inspired one to think up numerous euphemisms for eating out a girl’s asshole.
Clubhouse Food: 3 out of 5 Hotdog Rating (I don’t even know what this means)
Carts: Carts were actually pretty decent, they were gas-powered and pretty quick. They were also proven to be capable of doing 180’s although only in the hands of Berg. My difficulties in stunt driving a cart supposedly mirror my difficulties in pleasing a woman.
Errant Shot of the Day: I was going to go with one of Ruffino’s drives that sailed into a neighboring green, creating a humorous moment for us as we watched a fellow group cower in fear, but I am going with a homer pick. On one of the early holes in the back 9, we were faced with a quick dogleg left that began a hundred or so yards out. Not feeling confident with my irons, I decided to whip out my driver and cut it close to the wilderness to see if I could punch it through. My shot off the tee was straight and pretty, until it slammed directly into a large tree, bouncing directly back towards the tee box. It landed about 20 yards from where it started. Deciding then to use my back 9 mully, I teed again but shanked this one directly into the woods. All in all, a hilarious sequence.
Awkward Moment of the Day: Reminiscing on my how you doin’ line from the previous night, I remarked that perhaps tonight I should use it again, but to spice it up with a new accent. I decided an asian “hau you do-in” would be worth a shot, combined with a little bow. It was at this point we realized some Korean guy was right next door retrieving his errant shot. Oops. Me so solly.
Beers Drank: 44, I think, 24 of which were busch light, the epitome of high society.
Final Thoughts: It was a solid day, but that’s a course I’d only want to play maybe once or twice a year. Too crowded and poor quality overall, but I guess you are getting what you pay for, which is acceptable when you are a cheap bastard like myself.
1 comment:
Agreed - this course was fucking dog shit. While the course was dirt cheap I do not want to be sued for killing an hoy with an errant tee shot off my illegal driver.
There is one story that the beet did not capture. After hitting our second (in some case 5th) shots on a par 4 you had to ring a bell to let golfers on the tee box know that you have cleared the fairway. I suppose the proper thing to do is to pull up to the cart, extend your arm and ring it. I thought it would be better to slam on the brakes and crash the bell into the front of the cart. I am sure certain a few Japanese women pooed themselves after hearing this wreck. Not to be outdone though, the Beet followed closely behind me and smashed into the bell with his cart at a very high speed.
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